susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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