drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
