I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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