I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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