covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
