I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
