I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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