He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
