Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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