your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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