Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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