Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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