Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
