3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
she smelled like a LAN party
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
