in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
