i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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