I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
