It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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