pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
