hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
