Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
