is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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