She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
