Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
