Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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