How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
