I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
