did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
It's blow job season.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
