He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
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