so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
