I cannot find my penis.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
