I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
