omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
