Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
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