I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
