no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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