I'm gonna have a badass scar
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
