The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
