my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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