I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize
