so that wasnt chicken after all
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
