she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
