Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
