am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
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