He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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