i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
