i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
