Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
