How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
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