using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i think i have herpe
just one?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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