Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Small penises have feelings too.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
