well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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